Respecting Boundaries: Stop Asking Couples When They Are Having Kids - EZENWA LILIAN OLUCHI

In our society, it's not uncommon for couples to face a barrage of well-intentioned yet intrusive questions about their family planning decisions. However, it's time to recognize that asking couples about when they are having kids can be insensitive, presumptuous, and even hurtful. This hits so hard and it's quite similar to this question, when are you getting married?  Imagine sitting down with a warm cup of tea, engrossed in a conversation with my dear friend Jee. As she shared the story of her journey through marriage, a wave of empathy washed over me. It all started just six months into her marriage when a sense of unease began to settle in her heart. Little did she know that her discomfort would be further exacerbated by the constant reminders from well-meaning acquaintances about her "responsibility" to start a family.

The Impact of the Question:

Asking couples when they are having kids can have unintended consequences. For those facing fertility struggles, it can be a painful reminder of their challenges. Similarly, individuals who have chosen not to have children may feel judged or misunderstood. Recognizing the impact of this question helps us foster a more inclusive and compassionate environment.

Everyone's Journey is Unique:

Every couple's journey is unique, and assumptions about their family planning choices can be misleading. Some may be actively trying to conceive, while others may be facing fertility issues or personal circumstances that make starting a family difficult. Additionally, couples may have consciously decided not to have children, prioritizing other aspects of their lives or embracing alternative paths to fulfilment.

Respecting Personal Boundaries:

Respecting personal boundaries is essential in any conversation. Family planning decisions are deeply personal and should be left to the discretion of the individuals involved. By refraining from asking the question altogether, we demonstrate respect for their privacy and acknowledge that their reproductive choices are their own.

Avoiding Assumptions and Judgment:

When we ask couples when they are having kids, we make assumptions about their desires, abilities, and circumstances. These assumptions can be misleading and may lead to unnecessary judgement or pressure. By refraining from asking the question, we create a space where individuals can freely share their experiences if and when they choose to do so.

In my sincere opinion, asking couples when they are having kids may seem innocuous, but it can inadvertently cause emotional distress and put unnecessary pressure on individuals. By respecting personal boundaries and avoiding assumptions we can create a more inclusive and empathetic society. Let's replace intrusive questions with supportive conversations that honour individual choices and promote understanding.